I Don't Care
by GuiltyPleasuresAndDeadlySins
Summary: Oneshot. Two people's mockery of a relationship. Title from Apocalyptica/Adam Gontier song. Warnings inside.  Not a clue of the genre this should be in...


_**A/N:**_ _Erm…hell knows where this came from. Was listening to 'I Don't Care' by Apocalyptica, with Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace as vocalist. (I made the mistake of going to see Apocalyptica a week after I'd seen Stone Sour and they did 'I'm Not Jesus' and the vocalist they now have is nowhere near as good as Corey Taylor…) Anyways, this came to me listening to 'I Don't Care'. It started off as Tony and some unknown woman and then my mind kicked me rather hard in the ass and told me that it was more of a Gibbs-ish thing. So, we have Gibbs and an unnamed woman, towards the end of a marriage – did they ever name ex-wife no 3? (Or was she a different number? I know Stephanie and Diane, but I can't remember if they ever named the other ex-wife…) And I should really stop posting stuff that's not connected to my current long projects..._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own nothing. I never have. I probably never will. NCIS and all recognizable characters belong to whichever studio it belongs to (I can't remember). I Don't Care lyrics belong to either Apocalyptica or Adam Gontier, not sure which…_

_**Warning:**__ A little coarse language, and abstract mentions of sexual relations.

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_

_I try to make it through my life,  
In my way,  
There's you,  
I try to make it through these lies,  
That's all, I do  
_

They know it's a lie. They're not entirely sure whether it's ever been true. They just know that they're lying to each other now, every day, every night. Lying next to each other as they sleep, his arm flung over her waist, her fingers entwined with his. Everybody watching would think that they were the perfect couple – that they were happy, that they never argued. That was the lie. The façade. Both were actors, both were a mess of smoke and mirrors in one way or another. He hid behind his second b for bastard image. She hid behind a quiet, thoughtful mask. No-one suspected the furious rows that occurred at night, the pain and hurt they inflicted upon one another. They'd known each other for years, they knew exactly where to hit with their insults and scathing remarks.

_Just don't deny it,  
Just don't deny it,  
And deal with it,  
Yeah deal with it_

They dealt with it, no denial in their minds. To the world they presented the couple everyone assumed them to be. The quietly amused wife, dealing with her incorrigible, bastard of a husband. It wasn't true, they were just trying to make it through. Through to what they didn't know, but through. If they could make it, perhaps this lie would turn into the truth…(for once, back to, maybe). Their fights are sometimes passionate rows that end with her back against a wall, and his lips at her neck, his hands supporting her hips, and moans spilling from both their lips. Other times, it was cold and clinical, two people methodically ripping each other to shreds and leaving tattered remains in their wake.

_You try to break me,  
You wanna break me,  
Bit by bit,  
That's just part of it  
_  
They're trying to break each other – of what they don't know, but they are. Of bad habits, of annoying niggles, of the painful routine they've settled into? Or are they just trying to break each other? Plain and simple break. Leave each other shattered shells of people who used to be passionate, loving, caring. Turn them into frozen figurines in a dead, winter world. They're just players in a painful play.

_If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care - I don't care,  
And all the things you left behind,  
I don't care - I don't care  
_

And they don't care anymore, they don't care about how this ends, if they're dead or alive, of what they'll leave behind. It's going to end, they know it's going to end, but they don't know how, and they don't know when. It has to end. If it doesn't end one way, it'll end in another, messier way. (She has a spare key to his gun-locker, there's strong painkillers in the bathroom cabinet).

_I try to make you see my side,  
Always trying to stay in line,  
But your eyes see right through,  
That's all they do_

They would offer mute apologies, insincere apologies neither of them believed. But they were said, because it was expected, it's what was right. Their fights were about trying to get one to see the other's point of view, of one stepping out of line, of both stepping out of line, of neither stepping out of line, fights just for the hell of it. They're killing each other slowly and surely with each poisoned word. With each harsh glare. With each night spent her back to his front in the same bed. With each untrue utterance of love. If they'd ever loved each other, it's dead now, dead and gone. It has been for quite a while.

_I'm getting tired of this shit,  
I've got no room when it's like this,  
But your wanting me,  
Just deal with it!  
_  
Sometimes, it's claustrophobic. Cloying, too close. On those days, one of them will storm out, finding solace in a park, back at work, wherever they go, the other never knows, and never asks. It's painful and harsh, and they know that it's going to die soon, but they keep dealing with it, because despite not loving each other, despite often hating each other with a red hot passion so close to love that it's physically painful, they still lust for each other, wanting those moments where the two of them are joined.

_SO!  
If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care - I don't care,  
And all the things you left behind,  
I don't care - I don't care  
_  
It had all become so numb. Even their fights lacked the usual spark, the words thrown were half-hearted, and even the rest of the world was starting to see the cracks appearing in their trembling façades. She's taken to staying at a friend's, unable to stay in the same bed as him anymore. He finds he doesn't miss her – he misses a warm, breathing body pressed back into him, but he doesn't miss her.

_NOTHING CAN CARE ABOUT! _

_NOTHING CAN CARE ABOUT!  
YOU WON'T BE THERE FOR ME! _

_YOU WON'T BE THERE FOR ME!  
_

They aren't there for each other anymore – even in their most bitter fights they were there for each other. He decides that it's the one thing he misses about her. Having someone who he can talk to about his day, someone who won't say they understand, will just let you pour it all out, and then kiss you and make it go away. She obviously misses it to, but she doesn't let him. Divorce papers are served, days after she's started staying with her friend.

_If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care - I don't care,  
And all the things you left behind,  
I don't care - I don't care_

The last words she says to him, leave him reeling inside, she couldn't know – she couldn't possibly know. As she goes to leave, she pauses, resting a hand on the doorframe, her head down, eyes closed, lips parted. Part way through her sentence, she looks back at him, her eyes full of grief, and remorse, and regret, and wishes about what could've been.

_If you were dead or still alive,  
I don't care (NOTHING CAN CARE ABOUT!)- I don't care, (NOTHING CAN CARE ABOUT!)  
And all the things you left behind,  
I don't care (YOU WON'T BE THERE FOR ME!)- I don't care at all_

"I'm sorry I couldn't be her, I'm sorry I couldn't be them."

And then she's gone, and Gibbs just can't bring himself to care anymore.

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_**A/N:**__ Hope you enjoyed. :-D_


End file.
